Si Mama

Yesterday was Mother’s day here in the Philippines. So I want to greet you all of the mother’s here on earth a Happy Mother’s Day and also for those person having their birth anniversary today, hooray! Happy Birthday!

Si mama, mamu, mamey, nanay, inay, mommy , mom at marami pang iba. Siguro sa lahat ng pinakabusy na tao sa bahay ay siya na ang masasabi kong pinakamaraming ginagawa. Biruin mo mula umaga hanggang gabi at bago matulog halos wala siyang pahinga,

Naalala ko nung bata pa ako wala akong ibang dasal kundi makasama pa ng matagal sila mama at papa, dahil natatakot ako na someday baka mawala sila sa amin at baka hindi ko kayanin.

Minsan nakakairita si mama, utos dito utos doon tapos sermon, halos buong araw puro boses niya ang naririnig ko sa bahay. Nakakainis dahil parang ginagawa pa rin niya akong bata indespite na matanda na ako at kaya ko nang tumayo sa sarili kong mga paa.

Ang ating mga nanay ang pinakadakila sa lahat, biruin mo nagtatrabaho siya araw araw sa bahay pero hindi siya sumasahod, pinagsisilbihan nila tayo kahit ano pang mangyari. Tapos kapag nagalit si tatay , lagi siya ang nagtatanggol sa atin. Kumbaga dito ko narealize na malawak ang pang-unawa ng mga babae kumpara sa mga lalake. Kasi kaming mga lalake, sometimes nadadala kami ng emosyon namin, we don’t have time to think twice once there are some one who pulled the trigger.

Narerealize ko ang pagod ni mama, parang nadudurog ang puso ko na hindi ko man lang masuklian ang ginagawa niyang kabutihan para sa amin. Naiinis ako na hindi ko maworkout ang puso ko na maging expressive in terms of my feelings.

Hindi ko alam pero were not that close too much unlike other families na nakakapag ” i love you” sa mga parents nila. Well siguro hindi lang kami na-itrain sa ganoong setup . There’s a fear in my heart to express the feelings that I have for the person, kaya nga I almost envy those families na they are too close enough, I do not know if it will happen to my family right now but I’m hoping it will happen on my future family.

But I thank God na still up to now buo pa kami unlike other families who were broken because of broken marriage. Napakalaki talagang factor sa isang family na laging magkakasama. The one thing I realize that if family stays together, yung mga anak nila, magiging maayos ang buhay in the near future. Just like us, nakapagtapos na kami ng pag-aaral and hopefully sana ung bunso namin makatapos rin, I have my job now. It’s a big factor na nagagabayan tayo ng mga magulang natin. But sadly most of the families today are broken. Most of the times single moms, at marami rin akong nakikitang foolish husbands or guys. Kaya nga siguro inimbento ni God yung thing na what we call family. Dapat balanse, if the child is grow without a father, magdudulot ito ng hindi balanse habang lumalaki ang bata. I’ve seen other people most are girls whose their dads left their mother, the result? ( some of them engage in premarital sex, and most of them would definitely looking for love of a father that’s why they are trying to find it on man they are attracted to. Once dissatisfied, look for possible boyfriend again and the loop comes in.)

Sa boys? definitely being rebellious is one thing, looking for the love of a father sometimes they go there , find some friends or brotherhood (which is fraternities that promote evil instead of brotherhood, what kind of brotherhood is that you are risking the life of your brother for the group’s sake? It is selfishness. kaya dapat talaga ikulong na yang mga fraternity na yan at ipatigil at ituring silang mga kriminal dahil sa walang awang pagpatay sa mga brother daw nila.)

. If we don’t have mother and father we tend to be an emotional people looking for love outside the family. We never satisfied. So sad that this generation marami ng broken families. Some of them engage in an illegal marriage or just because of sexual sin, they left their families. Please take note that God doesn’t want that kind of setup in our life.

That’s why I really love my parents kahit na pagalitan nila ako, sasama man ang loob ko pero kahit kailan hindi ko sila kayang iwanan.

I think its one of my problem kung bakit takot ako magkaroon ng attachments sa opposite sex.. it’s because I am afraid to express what I feel, I am afraid to show it. And God is telling me to work on it.

I need to work on my heart, fix it and change it.

How I use Guilt..

 

Guilt is a feeling where you have done something which maybe wrong or right. Maybe you lie, you steal or whatever you did but yet you do not admit it. You refused to correct it.

And even myself, I am guilty of whatever I did in the past or in the future.

Sin, definitely was the one thing who made me feel guilty about myself. In despite that I surrendered my life for Christ, there still struggles. The world conquers me and use my weakness to sin against God.

Minsan we do not know na nagkakasala na tayo , by little things we often do, such as “Oh My God” – many people doesn’t know that it is a form of blasphemy against God, yelling at your youngest brothers or kids can be a form of a sin because you are angry and instead of teaching them, you yelled on them without noticing it.

Sometimes I even have to look at myself in the mirror and ask : “Lord ano bang nagawa ko ngayon?”, nakapagmura ba ako?, tumingin ba ako sa girls with lustful thoughts?, sinigawan ko na naman ba ang kapatid kong bunso na super kulit?, hindi na naman ba ako naghugas ng pinggan?, naging judgemental ba ako or nagworry ba ako about tomorrow?. In short, may nagawa ba akong kasalanan for today?

Siyempre ang laging sagot, “OO”. I’m a bit perfectionist, I remember when I was so faithful to my religion, I am very perfectionist , bawat galaw ko, bawat galaw ng tao pinapansin ko without even noticing that parang sinasakal ko lang ang sarili ko at parang nagiging mapanghusga ako sa ibang tao.

Sino ba ako para husgahan ang sarili ko at ang iba? I am not a God. But thank God He put me to a family where everything is good, pleasing and perfect. Yes, sometimes I noticed na they sin, but I accept it na we are not perfect, Christ is still working on us , the most important is we share experiences together about life in Christ.

Ok and then How I use guilt? (Balik tayo sa topic).

Usually guilt for me is a frustration. It bothers me a lot when something wrong.  Sometimes when I already know na my ginawa akong kasalanan against Him, I know to myself that I am dirty. I feel unclean and would probably do all the things to make me clean again.

During those times, I feel anxiety, and listening to His music would make me cry.  When I pray I humble myself, telling Him to leave me alone cause I am dirty , I am still a sinner and I am not worthy to His Kingdom. But He is good all the time, His love endures forever, I was once reborn again because of His unconditional love, He still loves me and accepts me even though I am not perfect.

Praying with feelings is the most important for me. When I pray without it, I feel it is worthless. It is very important for me to pray sincerely. Just like every time I sing a song, I make sure that I really feel it. Without feelings everything is worthless. You are just singing or praying for what? It bothers me that I’m just like memorizing words and repeatedly speaking it.

There are many people who buy books just to have prayer, just to have an idea what prayer should be, they keep asking “What is the best prayer so that the Lord will answer it?”. And I said, there is no prayer written by human, prayer doesn’t have format or program or any codes. It is not encrypted or it doesn’t need to be secure. Go to your room, lock the door and start remembering what God has done for you. Reminisce those days that you did not obey God, that’s my style of praying, after those sessions I feel God has forgiven me already, God make me feel being born again.

I used guilt to ask God for strength. I used guilt to humble myself to God. I used guilt to lead myself to repentance.

So sad that many people used guilt to hide themselves, they used it to turn away from God. Instead of facing the guilt or the problem their minds are merely affected by it.

You can’t solve the problem if you are trying to forget about it or escaping from it.  Parang picture yan eh, habang zino-zoom mo ung picture lumalaki ito, the bigger it is the more the chances you find what’s the cause of the problem, and then afterwards you are able to solve it.

Servant Leader

 

Lord Jesus said  : “If anyone wants to be the greatest among you, they should serve others”.

Leadership is all about helping others, if you don’t have the passion or interest to help or serve others and you just dreaming to have it, you are not worthy to follow.

I’ve just notice that leadership takes time, takes a lot of study, experience and spiritual maturity to be a great leader.

Although, all of us are capable of being a leader, but not of us will be a great leader.

I’ve known many personalities who became a great leader of their organizations, country or groups or in churches.

Abraham Lincoln was considered the greatest president of Unite States, M. Pangilinan of Smart Communications who transformed ABC5 to T.V5 and became one of the largest network in the Philippines. Charismatic Leaders of New Age Christians who had a great number of followers throughout the world, those people who became successful from rugs to riches and so on. They become powerful  as of today.

There are a lot of people specially Filipinos who are educated but not disciplined well, I mean, mga taong puro negative ang nakikita sa ibang tao, mga taong utak talangka na kapag my isang taong umaangat ay pilit na hihilain ito papunta sa impiyernong kinalalagyan nila. Protesta dito ,protesta doon.

One day nagbabasa ako sa yahoo news, siyempre ang topic is about Manny Pangilinan, and then I’ve noticed that merong isang Pilipino na nagcomment na may mga illegal business daw si M.P sa Indonesia at yumayaman daw siya dahil laging kinakain ang load nito. Well some people being disgusted sa mga largest networks sa kadahilanang kinakain daw ang load nila, but they do not know na kaya pala kinakain yung load nila eh dahil nakasubscribe sila sa free logo, or music or ringback, horoscope and anumang mobile apps  everyday or everyweek na automatic na magdededuct ng load kahit sa ayaw mo o gusto. I was shocked na ganito na ba kadesperado ang ibang Pilipino na wala ng magawa kundi manira ng kapwa niya Pilipino.

And then I realize, mahirap din pala kapag leader ka na, o sabihing natin nasa ibabaw ka na. Whatever you do, even you love them, you have been generous for them, you help them, there are still some people who are going to criticize you just to rock your boat.

Being a leader, means you need to be prepare for such criticism from others. Negative people are there to destroy your reputations, some of them are building their own group that the goal is to destroy you.

Many people doesn’t know how to be a real leader, they just want to be a leader for the purpose of being noticed by others, that’s why most of the leaders today easily fall on their enemy’s hand.

Leadership means you are going to take the lead, be a role model not an authoritarian! If you have seen that your subordinates not following you anymore and there are always resentment , check up yourself, am I doing it right?, if not then change it.

I always believe in the saying : “If you don’t want it change it, if you can’t change it, change your attitude and don’t complain.

If there’s no one following you, you are not a leader, you are just taking a walk. Look at some of our bosses, no one wants to follow them, they are just using people for their profit. They are “user”.

Leadership is also a sacrifice, its all about serving others. meaning unahin mo muna ang iba bago ang sarili mo.

It is not my dream to be a leader, I just want to serve, pero sadly when I have decided to signup for a ministry, there’s no feedback from them. Well I just want to help, if they don’t need me then fine, I might consider other ministries out there .

Leadership? its too broad for now, pero gustong gusto ko talaga pinaguusapan ang about leadership, nagigising ang dugo ko haha!. Well I do not know why.

Being a Software Developer..

Being a Software Developer is sometimes other people tend to a little one comparing to doctors, lawyers, engineers, nurses,dentists on so on.

Being a Software Developer is a difficult task to handle whereas  you are trying to make things simpler for the people but in reality its too complex for developers.

Think of the earth, the heaven, our bodies, the whole universe itself, God created it for us to enjoy life, in our eyes it is just simple, a rock is made up of formed soil, a building was made up of different materials, but heck if you are trying to discover how it really made, you might be frightened on how complex it is. Our bodies are too simple with an eye, nose, mouth but when you have tried to study how it was made , the more the complex it is.

Just like we, as developers, you might think an IPhone is much easy to use than any other else, the computer or laptop you are using now is very simple to manage, the software you are using while watching movies, and almost the technology you are enjoying these days. It was created by the developers, if no developers have made it, there was no technology. But I will not tackle those freaking responsibilities we have, but rather I would like to share on what is it on being a programmer, why it is happy, how do you enjoy doing it?.

I once remember when I was a child, it was my dream to be an educator, but my mission is not to educate people  but to punish those who bullied me, haha what a revenge!,

Wala talaga sa plano ko ang maging isang Developer, isa lamang itong aksidente na kung saan dahil sa litong lito na ako kung engineering ba o management ang kukunin ko ay napunta ako sa isa kurso na medyo hindi pa siya ganun kasikat ng mga panahong iyon at isa pa iniiwasan ko talaga ang matematika.

Sa kakaiwas ko sa matematika, eh nakuha ko rin pala ang kurso na may matematika (well lahat naman eh) pero mas mataas na logic level ang kailangan rito at buti na lang mas magaling ako sa logic kumpara sa algebra! .

Sa ngayon unti unti ko ng nakikita ang kasiyahan ng pagiging Developer, hindi lang sa high pay kundi mapapabayaan mo rin dito ang kalusugan mo, at ilang beses na akong nagkakasakit!

Very challenging ang paggawa ng software, from planning to deployment and at the end eh support na lang na di matapos tapos.

Pag programmer ka si computer o si laptop lang ang kaharap mo, magdamag kayong nagtititigan (sweet!) at minsan kinakausap mo pa siya.

Ako nga minsan natatawa na lang ako sa sarili ko, biruin mo kinakausap mo ung monitor, tapos pag nasolve mo ang problema ibig sabihin sinagot ka niya!

Parang ganito:

Pedro: Ano ka ba gumana ka na bakit andami mong error nakakainis ka na!

Laptop: Teka, maghanap ka muna ikaw ang may mata eh.

Pedro: Ayun, ambagal mo naman bilisan mo.

Laptop: O ayan na.

Pedro: Sa wakas !

Ganyang kaming mga programmer (ewan ko lang sa iba), it seems na si monitor na lang lagi ang kausap namin,nageenjoy kami na kinakausap namin yung mga computer namin as a result sometimes we have no social life.

Tapos pag my discussion with groups nakakatuwa lang kasi pag sinabi mong developer ka halos lahat ng kasama mo “wow” na parang ang bigat ng hawak mong posisyon samantalang kapag supervisor o manager eh wala lang.

Siguro ganito rin sa ibang propesyon, malamang kung clerical work ka , kinakausap mo yung papel haha!, kung mekaniko ka kinakausap mo yung sasakyan, natatawa nga ako kapag napapansin ko na minumura ng tatay ko yung mga inaayos niyang electronics! Haha,

Wala lang, gusto ko lang matuwa sa mga bagay bagay na nasa paligid.

Attitude

Malaking bagay ang “attitude” lalo na sa trabaho, sa bahay, sa harap ng ibang tao, sa mga kaibigan at kung saan ka man magpunta ay dala-dala mo ito. Madalas ito ang isa sa pinaka hindi napapansin na meron sa ating mga sarili, paano busy tayo sa pagpansin sa mga kamalian ng iba. Busy tayo sa kakatalak at kakareklamo pero hindi natin napapansin ang ating mga sarili.

Sabi ka ni Lord :”Why do you see the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not see the log on your own eye, or how can you say to your brother ‘Let me take out the speck out of your eye, when there is a log on your own eye?, You hypocrite, take the log out of your own eye and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye. pati na rin ang golden rule remember?

Pero hindi natin masisisi ang mga sarili natin, sa katunayan, madalas nagiging mapanghusga tayo sa ibang tao at nakakapagsalita tayo ng hindi magagandang bagay dahil naapektuhan tayo ng mga taong nakakasama natin araw araw.

Minsan nailalabas natin yung mga “attitude” na hindi karapat dapat makita ng ibang tao sa kadahilanang frustrated tayo at nagiisip tayo ng mga negatibo patungkol sa isang tao o bagay, madalas nawawalan tayo ng gana sa pagtatrabaho, o nawawalan tayo ng interest sa isang bagay o gawain sapagka’t nasisiraan tayo ng loob dahil sa negatibong epekto ng ating pagiisip na hindi natin makakaya ito, hindi na magbabago yun o wala ng pag-asa pa.

Naalala ko lang , noon isa akong tao na reklamo ng reklamo, ewan ko ba pero madalas akong magreklamo at to be honest, hanggang ngayon.

Madalas din akong mawalan ng kumpiyansa sa sarili o mawalang ng interest sa isang bagay kung wala namang magandang maidudulot ito sa akin, o kaya naman nagstart na akong magisip ng masama towards sa naguutos sa akin na ipagawa ang bagay na iyon.

During my first month in my new job, I was totally impressed with my boss, actually hanggang ngayon pinagaaralan ko yung mga tao na nakakasama ko ng madalas sa office para alam ko kung paano ko sila pakikitunguhan, paano ako makikisama sa kanila at paano ko maiiwasan ang mamersonal at magisip ng hindi magandang bagay towards to my employer,

But then suddenly , sakto wala akong kasabay mag lunch break, one of my colleague ask me na sumabay ng lunch sa isang kasama namin sa department.

At first, parang inorient niya ako sa company policies, benefits at kung anong meron pa, pero habang tumatagal na nakakasama ko siya meron akong napansin na kakaiba sa taong ito, well I do not take it personally pero observer talaga ako, I admire this person because he is “ a people person”, he can get many friends as long as he want, every employees greet him , napakagaling makisama sa mga tao pero he thinks of other people in a “negative way”, sometimes naririnig ko siya na nagsasabi ng mga negative about the company, the manager, and while listening to him, I am really upset, parang nafrustrate ako. I do not know how to react.

Siyempre eto naman ako, not noticing myself na naapektuhan ako ng mga negative facts na nareceive ko mula sa taong ito na negative person.

I know God wants me to share my belief with this person but his heart was too hard and he is not open.

I believe there still a time, He is on the mid 30’s and yet he is not matured enough. I hope he can evaluate himself. I can’t criticized pero naawa ako sa kanya.

And then one day, naisip ko na nakalimutan ko! bakit nagiba ang perspective ko sa life? , I;ve made a covenant to myself na “I will only think of things in a positive way and in a positive attitude”. ngayon ko lang na realize na dapat umiwas ako sa mga taong “negative thinkers” or else they will affect the way I am living right now.

I decide to go back in the ways of my Lord, following Him is the best way to gain positive thinking and positive attitude.

I regret during those times na bumubuka ang bibig ko sa pagrereklamo without even thinking twice. Sa mga bad judgements na naisip ko toward my employer and my boss.

And then I start looking at people in a positive way, I then realize that my manager or supervisor is not that really strict, he is just following what the management wants to do, strictly following company policies for the benefit of the company and its assets. Honestly before, I was thinking na he is not worthy of his position dahil sa sinabi sa akin ng isang katrabaho ko, pero when I evaluate him, I really impressed that he is really worth for that position, he is capable, he knows what to do, he have leadership skills and admit his own mistakes, he is not just a boss, but I can say he is a real leader.

A real leader admits his own mistakes, experience his experiences and knows the needs of his subordinates. Unlike a boss, a boss is usually moody, he is a sherman tank who is like a king. He doesn’t even think about his employees

The lesson i’ve learned?, always think positive regardless of who they are, think only of positive, because if you think negatively towards the world, you ended up being frustrated and empty.

INLAB ka ba talaga?

Lahat naman siguro tayo , tinatanong natin sa ating mga sarili o sa mga kaibigan natin kung inlab ba talaga tayo o may nararamdaman na ba talaga tayo para dun sa isang tao na it seems na intersado tayo.

Pero parang ang hirap yata sagutin, at medyo “tricky” siya kung iisipin sapagkat “heart is deceitful above all things”.

Madalas nagkakaroon tayo ng “mushy feelings” para sa isang tao, para sa isang babae na feeling natin na “Love at First Sight” tayo dahil sa napakaganda niya, ang kinis niya, ang talino niya, ang sweet niya, and then after noon commonly makikipagkaibigan, makikipagdate but then later on, after a month, or weeks or even years, siyempre makikilala mo na si girl, saka mo marerealize na she has flaws, or merong mga bagay na ayaw natin sa isang babae and then after non we ended up breaking up with them, ending the relationship because that flaws had changed our mind instantly.

Meron namang ibang lalake na after makuha kay girl ang matagal na niyang inaasam-asam, matapos maikama siya eh wala na, nagsawa na at naghanap na ng iba.

So, paano nga ba malalaman kung inlab ka ba talaga?

Sa totoo lang, lately ko na nafigured out na the common mistakes we did is we tend to equate love with feelings. Oo nga ang love eh isang emotions but remember it is also a decision. Hindi ka naman siguro magmamahal ng isang tao based lang sa nararamdaman mo tama ba?. When we say love, it is based on a decision, mamahalin mo ba ang bf/gf mo kahit alam mong panget siya…. oops sorry I mean kung panget ang ugali niya, sinasaktan ka niya o pinapaiyak ka niya?, di ba hindi? kasi minahal mo siya ng ganoon siya, in short isa kang martyr!. Sometimes meron ding mga mag-asawa na naghihiwalay dahil wala na silang nararamdamang pagibig para sa isa’t isa.

At sa totoo lang we cannot live on that way! The ways of the world.

LOVE IS A DECISION. We have the power and capability to love and choose the girl we are going to marry. Dito pa lang malalaman mo na kung inlove ka ba talaga, Willing ka na ba na makasama siya forever and ever? Willing ka na ba na mahalin siya unconditionally?. Well kung wala pa sa isip mong magpakasal, then hindi ka inlab, nagpapadala ka lang sa imahinasyon na dulot ng emosyon mo.

Isa ring ibig sabihin nito, na kapag niligawan ko ang isang babae, automatic yan , “I have a game plan”, sending letters, etc,,. Hindi ko liligawan ang isang babae sa kadahilanang nagagandahan ako sa kanya o may something sa kanyang traits na hinahanap ko sa isang babae, liligawan ko siya because I want to lead her, take care of her, and love her and for the most part to marry her.

Isang malaking KALOKOHAN na maiinlab ka just because of the charms or looks. It’s all about the “game plan”.